Moving Forward with Newfound Confidence

This week hasn’t been quite as amazing as last week: life has thrown a few little challenges at me. However, when I think back to five or so weeks ago, my life now is worlds apart.

I am coping with the ups and downs much better than I did previously and I like myself more and more. I think this is partly because I’m just taking it easier on myself. Goddamn I’ve been tough on myself in the past! Now, rather than beating myself up, I’m just trying to focus on being more positive; doing things that are fulfilling and make me – and the ones I love – smile.

It’s such a cliché, but life is short… It is absolutely necessary that, during our short time here, we try to squeeze every little bit of happiness out of each moment. Otherwise, what on earth’s this all about?

This realisation has really slapped me in the face this week. Things I’ve been putting off, I’m now starting to take a hold of. I am, for the first time in a long time, making some clear plans for the future, rather than going through the motions. I mentioned last week that we’ve begun to actively tackle our infertility again, and I’m thoroughly excited about this. But I’m also thinking about changes in other parts of my life too. I feel energised; although I’m a little scared (change isn’t always the easiest thing for me!), I’m moving forward with a newfound confidence that I haven’t felt for – well, ever!

The familiar moments of pain and anxiety around our infertility are still there, but they’re so different than before – less severe; there is simply less darkness there. I’ve even weathered a few ‘when are you going to start trying for children?’ enquiries this week! Proudly, I can honestly say that, while there was a moment where these comments got to me, I found it much easier than normal to let them float by.

Although the grief is still there in the pit of my stomach, I’m not letting it define me and certainly not letting it ruin the many parts of my life that are joyous and amazing – even without a little one to share it with.