My emotional tides have been far less extreme this week; I have spent a great deal more time doing things I enjoy and living in the moment. Yes, I have had times where I’ve been inexplicably grumpy and a bit down, but the down times have been far less frequent and severe.
I’ve been noticing the good things more… even little things, like the sunshine, beautiful flowers, nice gestures from strangers, and the love of my family and friends. Just sitting on my back steps in the sun early this morning with a cuppa was absolute bliss. With the comforting feeling of the sun on my skin and the warm steam rising from my cup, I can honestly say I felt happy. That’s been a difficult emotion to achieve lately, given my mind is usually elsewhere… consumed by our struggle.
Catching up with a few friends this week was great, including one who is also struggling with infertility. Being around like-minded people is always a good thing – it makes me feel far less insane and it’s always nice to talk to those in the know about me and my partner’s ‘plan of attack’ for trying to conceive. This is the beauty of the Mind Body Program for Fertility, you get to spend time with other women, sharing stories and each others’ experiences.
Talking to more and more people about our journey so far has sparked me into action; this week I made contact with a new doctor, who I am hopeful will be able to help us. This is actually quite momentous for me because I’ve been stuck in a bit of a rut for the past few months and have, if I’m honest with myself, been scared to seek further medical help for fear that nothing will work. But I’m feeling much more ready, and starting to realise that – even if this doesn’t work for us – we’ll survive this and be okay. Actually, even though my husband and I have both found this journey to be horribly stressful (that’s an understatement), I think that we’re starting to find ways to ensure it brings us together rather than pushes us apart.
I’m not going to say it was a perfect week... I am still learning and practicing these new skills I’m picking up and it will take time until I am confident that I can maintain the level of contentment that I’ve achieved so far. But I can say with certainty that things are slowly getting better and I’m enjoying life again. I’m stepping out of the rut that I’ve been stuck in and experiencing renewed hope for the future.