Lessening the heartache and building happiness

I want to start this final entry by saying that I am a different person than I was 10 weeks ago. I am calmer, more aware of my emotions, more in control, more confident, and far less anxious. This is an incredibly significant revelation for me.

Yes, I’ve been coping with infertility, which is what brought me to the Mind Body Program. When I began, I hoped that I might be able to learn some skills to cope with my depression and anxiety over our infertility a little better. But I didn’t expect that the Program would also have such a profound effect on other parts of my life; I’ve also seen other parts of myself bloom.

I have spent most of my life feeling wound up and anxious. At times, I would just sit and cry because I thought that I would always be that way and that I simply had to accept it. I really hated that part of myself: it held me back and sucked the happiness out of moments I should have been enjoying.

As I progressed through the Program’s weekly sessions, I realised that what I was learning was not only helpful for lessening my heartache around our infertility, but was also helping me to better cope with life in general. I’ve felt my anxiety melt away, and my depression recede, bit by bit. I’m far more aware of my emotions than I have ever been before, and also far more capable of recognising them, and addressing (rather than stifling) them. I’m more level-headed and optimistic about our journey, but also about life. I know I haven’t imagined these changes because people around me keep commenting that I seem different—more positive.

In terms of our continued attempts at TTC, I feel a whole lot better—like there is hope, but even if we don’t ever get to experience parenthood (and there’s a whole lot more trying until we get to that point!), we’ll still be okay. There’s so much love and life out there for us to experience, and if that’s our path in life, then we’ll grasp it with both hands and take from it what we need to be happy and fulfilled.  

I’m very grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to do this Program. It’s taught me a new way of ‘being’ that I’ve never experienced before and broken the cycle of my grief. I will carry its lessons with me as I travel through life, and build happiness around me as I go…