The Christmas season is upon us and we know what many of you will be asking the fat
man in the red suit for this year!
Christmas is a time for wishing and reflecting – have you been naughty or nice?
For most this is a time of the year when we start to reflect on a year gone by. Missed
opportunities more often than not rise into our awareness.
However when you are trying to conceive, these reflections can seem to exaggerate all
the tiny ‘naughties’ and forget all the times you’ve been nice. Not being pregnant again
feels like a punishment.
For some, Christmas is a highly religious time, and when struggling with infertility your
relationship with God can be difficult.
Questions of “am I being punished for past sins?” or “what did I do to deserve this?”
however, are not only posed by those who hold strong religious beliefs.
When we are struggling with infertility we can often struggle with past decisions, and
the guilt associated with some of our decisions. We can fall into ‘sliding door’ thinking
– “if only I hadn’t spent so long partying in my early 20s” or “what if we had taken the
plunge and had a baby and not set up my career” or “what was the sense in working so
hard and building this big house if we can’t fill it with children?”
However, we can’t go back and change those decisions.
When struggling with infertility, you are not being punished for choices you made at a
younger age. You made those decisions with the best information you had at that time.
You weren’t to know what lay ahead; nobody knows!
The present is what it is, but it is important to also not project the present into being a
‘forever’. The present is here and now, not the future.
It is important to stay present and not get hooked into emotional time travel either past
or future. Let the past be, showing compassion for your younger self, and hold hope
for the unknown future.
You are doing the best you can in this present to give the future its best chance at
providing the joy you so desire.
This Christmas season, start with self-compassion, looking for the blessings you do
have, offering kindness to others, and keep faith things will change.
The fat man in the red suit may not be able to bring you a baby, but you can continue to
do what you can to give yourself the best opportunity to become the parent you so
want to be.