TTC – The Silent Secret

Are you part of the club?  The secret society of TTC – Trying To Conceive?

You know there are many unwilling members to this secret community.  A community of women keeping their fertility a secret – WHY?

Is it because they are embarrassed?  After all isn’t it easy to have a baby?  Millions of people do it everyday.  You read in the newspaper about another teenage, unwanted pregnancy or watch another reality show – 14 and Still Counting, or worse still, one of your closest friends decides to ‘try’ and in a couple of months, bingo they’re celebrating.  What is it with these people?  How on earth do they get pregnant so easy when some people don’t?

Most women think that all they need to do is make the decision, come off the contraception of choice, have sex and bam you’re pregnant.  But it doesn’t always happen like that.  Sometimes it takes a while, a long while and sometimes it doesn’t happen at all.

Maybe the secrecy isn’t about embarrassment, but more about shame.  Women and men can often blame themselves for their inability to get pregnant.  “Was it the termination I had when I was 20?  Am I being punished for not being a good daughter, good Christian, good person?  Perhaps I don’t deserve to be a mother.  I’m not worthy and this is the universe telling me.“ Others also point the finger of blame.  Their cutting accusations of “You’re overweight; you just need to lose a few pounds.  Stop smoking, start exercising, you really shouldn’t have left it so late.  You chose to have a career, so what do you expect?”  Not knowing that each word cuts like a knife into a reality that is so difficult to bear.

Perhaps the secrecy is about avoiding the pity.  Those  well-meaning but over sympathetic questions of “how do you feel now your sister’s pregnant?”  Along with the tilt of the head, touch on the hand – “just give me a call and I’ll be there for you, I’ll listen, I understand what it’s like”.  Some people mean well, but their concern can make you feel like you’re dying, or you are just about to cry every time you pass a babywear shop (which might be the case, but you don’t want them to know it).

Sometimes the secrecy can simply be about privacy.  “It’s no one else’s business but ours.”  That can be a lonely place. Not sharing with others may appear to be a self-protection but it can also mean you are totally alone and without support.

The secret society brings about a secret language. Initials to conceal the issue, used to connect only with those in the same boat because they understand.  Plus it is easier to abbreviate when you are continually searching the net for answers, the next best things that will alleviate this agony.

The Mind Body Program for Fertility at Positive Mind Body Australia brings women together who understand this secrecy.  Who understand the pain and want to share their story but also listen and support yours.

Our 10 Session program not only brings women together for support but also teaches them how to manage the stress of their silence.  To develop skills to relax the body and relieve the tortured mind.  Through meditation, yoga, mindfulness skills and cognitive restructuring, the Mind Body Program for Fertility supports women at any stage of their fertility journey.  You can come during your treatment, after a failed cycle or when you have had enough and need to take a break and rejuvenate your mind, body and spirit.

Conversations are open, honest and emotional.  Support is genuine and ongoing.  Friendships can last beyond the program and into the next phase of your life, whatever that may bring.

If you would like to find out more about how we might be able to support you, or where the next program in your capital city may be, contact us through our contact page