Christmas is traditionally a time of gathering with loved ones, the giving of gifts, our time, with a dose of our good cheer. But it is also a reminder of the end of a year, a time we use to reflect on what has been achieved this year and what hasn’t. Thoughts of a longed for child are never far away and at this time of year these thoughts can become stronger and more challenging to manage.
It can be difficult to get through these next few weeks without the nagging thoughts of “I’m still not pregnant”, “another year wasted” or “why bother, nothing is ever going to change.”
It is an important time to reach out to those who know your situation and can offer support and comfort. It is also an important time to show great compassion toward yourself and your partner. In one of our recent blogs, “Reducing the stress of the ‘silly’ season,” we talked about enjoying the Christmas season on your terms. Be aware of your needs and take the time to do things you enjoy. Say ‘no’ to some things and ‘yes’ to others.
Our voices in our heads can often be very definitive – “this will never happen”, “I’ll never be a mother”, as the women who have been through our program know, these voices can become our own worst enemies. They deprive us from seeing all the good things in our life, and also reduce our efforts to being failures.
Notice those thoughts, work out if they are actually true – do you really know what will happen in the future? No, it just feels as if we do. Try to reframe these thoughts – “this will never happen” could become “I don’t know what the future will bring”; “I’ll never be a mother” could become “I’m doing everything I can to become a mother”. A new mindset will reduce these nagging thoughts and the stress they bring. Remember coping is about getting through, not having to manage and control everything.
It is important to end the year celebrating the achievements you have had. Celebrate getting through the difficult times with your support people, celebrate the gifts of others in your life, celebrate managing all the ups and downs of the infertility rollercoaster.
See the approaching New Year as a new start, a new beginning. If you have put some things on hold because you have been in treatment, perhaps look to start a few things. Start a hobby that will bring you joy, go on that holiday you deserve the break, take time to notice the beauty in life like sunrises and sunsets.
At Positive Mind Body Australia we want to wish you a safe and peaceful Christmas and New Year. We want to thank you for visiting our website, we hope it, along with our webinars and blogs, have been of value to your struggle trying to conceive. We look forward to working with many of you in 2016 in our Mind Body Program for Fertility. We are so proud to bring such a unique and amazing program to Australia. Our Christmas wish for you is that you value yourselves, your unique gifts and strengths. That you hold on to a sense of self as you navigate the fertility challenges and find peace in your inner world.
Always remember a new moment is just around the corner and a New Year can bring new a new start and along with a new mindset, HOPE will get you through.